05 nov 2013

in response to my objection to blogging due to a cold, a great friend of mine once wrote, "if you have the energy to check facebook, you have the energy to write!"

i've been home from work all day. i have facebook-browsed, watched an episode of breaking bad (three more left!), slept, consumed cans of soup and boxes of crackers, and blown my nose countless times. it hasn't been pretty or fun, but i can't ignore her statement. i don't want to be sick--that job i was just writing about? i love that job. i want to be there, doing the work. not at home working on a bedsore. 

i am tired. i don't know what to write and i wanted to make this post reflect a continual upswing in my growth as a writer. as a person. blogging, for me, can be a little neurotic. writing off the cuff, editing a bit as i go (and sometimes a day later) means that i find some of my words troublesome or worrisome. 

for instance, did you understand that when i said i wasn't lucky when i got this job, that what i meant was that it was a culmination of efforts and not something as simple as "dumb luck"? and did it come across that i was grateful? i am lucky to have a job. i understand that, and for those hundred plus who also applied for it, some are unemployed, some have families to raise, some are more needy, more "deserving" than i am. i get that. i'm extraordinarily humbled to have this opportunity.

for everyone who has a story similar to mine, with a progression that shows they are on the upswing in life, there are likely an equal share who have been treading water for longer than i've been alive, or those with great potential who never see it fulfilled. people who, perhaps, "deserve" to have a break because life has handed them a raw deal since they were born (or for countless other reasons). so, in that sense, i am lucky. 

however, i worked hard to get here: harder than some, not as hard as others. 

so understand that when i write, i am never in a holier-than-thou stance with the rest of the world. i have much to learn still, and i will fight hard to live life fully regardless of a stuffy head or headache or aches & pains.