2 jan 2016

2015 treated me fine: continuing a job i love, the new apartment that prompted me to donate my stash of boxes, amazing memories with family and friends alike. there were downturns along the way that promoted varying degrees of tears: the death of a beloved pet, a good friend moving away, missing out on a long-standing plan to watch the new star wars film with my sister's family. this is life, is it not? it goes up and down in no predictable order and when a year rises like a phoenix from the ashes of the previous (too grandiose an image?) i find myself wondering if i'm supposed to be doing something else.

i've wondered what's next since i moved in august. the clock hanging in the kitchen loudly announces the passing seconds. i love my work. i can't seem to find a piano tuner. none of this is causing me anxiety and yet somewhere in the background i feel like i should be anxious about something.

since getting divorced roughly eight years ago, i have fought to find my place, my self. i've looked back at what happened, tried to understand my part in the dissolution of a nearly ten year relationship, and have pushed myself to continually grow. 2013 was a landmark year in that regard, primarily because i landed the role that birthed the Dream Job. after nine months in one department, a spot opened up on my current team. on any given day i look back and am flooded with gratitude.

for me, inner peace begins with my ability to provide personal stability. life's got some rough edges and kinks, sure, but the view is just fine. let me tell you what it looks like:

it's a saturday night and i'm home. i'm winding down from hosting one of my favorite people (the same one who moved away). my cat moxie is loafing it up on the sofa as i've decided to blog on my laptop. i napped here earlier, following a two-ish hour walk with a friend by the beach and a delicious thai lunch. i have food in my fridge, tea in my cupboard, and downton abby queued up so i can finally see what all the fuss has been about. i ordered some sundries from target because i would rather shop online most days. there are four library books scattered throughout my living room, both fiction and nonfiction. they are: the girl in the spider's web [lagercrantz], just a corpse at twilight [van de wetering], words without music [glass], and dalton trumbo: blacklisted hollywood radical [ceplair and trumbo]. all of this contributes to my overwhelming contentedness.

i'm going to enjoy it (life/2016). i worked tirelessly to earn this: bachelor's in '08, paralegal in '13, interviews, nine moves in eight years.... there's a month of overtime coming up, so i may not really get moving on personally planning things until february. my goals on the horizon include the grand and the small: travel, tuning the piano for the first time in nearly three years (followed by regular playing), writing, cycling, reading, hiking, cooking, baking. it's my year to do as i want to and i'm looking forward.